I often come across materials on personal development, parenting, relationships and so on that talks a lot about the importance of empathizing with others. The definition of empathy according to several online dictionaries is "to understand, share and experience the emotions" of someone else.
Nothing wrong in these definitions and I would say that this is what most empaths do — understand, share and experience the emotions of someone else, whether they are higher or lower spectrum emotions.
The problem is that most people do not know where to draw the line, they do not know how to define what is theirs and what is others'. And a lot of the times people get confused and they then start to identify with the emotions of other people making them their own! And even fighting other people's battles for them.
As an energy healer, I see this A LOT. When someone comes in for a clearing session, I see that they carry other people's lower spectrum emotions with them, stored in their solar plexus, stomach, kidneys and all over the body. They believe that it is a good thing to empathize because it allows them to be compassionate.
After learning a lot of my own personal lessons (and still learning), I realised that I can be compassionate without taking on someone else's suffering as my own.
The thing is, if I do take on other people's suffering I am actually coming from an imbalanced mindset — thinking I am better than them, thinking I am their saviour, or thinking that they are incapable of helping themselves.
Isn't this arrogance disguised as spiritual concern?
So how do we draw the line?
We draw the line by first asking ourselves why do we feel a need to feel, experience and take on other people's emotions. Are we doing it to feel good about ourselves? Or to feel a sense of self importance? Or perhaps we feel they NEED us.
The truth is if we feel a need to take on other people's suffering, we actually NEED them more than they need us, because we need them in order to feel good about ourselves!
So if your practice of compassion and empathy is as described above, then you need to help yourself first before you become more unhealthy in body, mind and spirit.
Real compassion is understanding and empowering others, not take their problems away. Real compassion is healthy for you and for others.
© Shamala Tan 2011 www.higherpsychism.com
